The Day Sam Was Born
Maybe they are wrong. As I hold my newborn son these days, I can’t help but think that maybe the doctors made a mistake. Maybe he doesn’t have a hole in his heart. Maybe he doesn’t have Down syndrome. He feels perfect in my arms. When he opens his eyes, mine well up with gratitude for this little miracle. But those tears flow freely when my brain gently reminds me of what I don’t want to know. My precious son has a problem with his heart that could cut his life short. My beautiful boy has an extra chromosome that will bring hardship and blessings that we hadn’t bargained on.
He was born on a Thursday in July, 2011. Things got scary fast. His heart rate kept dipping in utero. The nurses wrestled my wife into half a dozen positions trying to stabilize his heart rate, but to no avail. In a flash, as the doctor examined the paper with the zigs and zags of our child’s heart rate, the decision was made to cut him out, STAT.
Before I could process what was happening, the room emptied, my wife was wheeled out and I was standing alone with nowhere to go. Before I could regain my balance, someone escorted me to the Operating Room where my wife was undergoing an emergency Cesarean Section.
It was there under the bright lights that I first heard my son’s borning cry. My wife and I cried tears of relief. It felt like we had made it through another close call (after our firstborn’s birth my wife had a postpartum hemorrhage). We joked that our kids just enjoyed making a dramatic entrance, our version of gallows humor. As they sewed up my bride, one of the nurses asked if our son had a name. I yelled out, “His name is Samuel!” while wiping tears from my wife’s eyes. In short order, I was holding my child for the first time and showing him to his mother while she lay on the operating table. My heart rate evened out as the adrenaline began to subside.
After that, we had one hour of peace. I held Sam in the recovery room waiting for my wife to join us. With one hand I took pictures of him with my phone and texted the world that all was well. You know the message you send after birth. “Sam was born at 10:21AM, 19 inches long, 6 pounds, 10 ounces. Mother and Baby are doing fine.”
But they weren’t. He wasn’t. We just didn’t know it yet.
When they took Sam to the nursery, we thought all was well and we’d meet him again in the regular maternity room after they cleaned him up and did all the things they do with newborns. We joked and laughed some more as they transferred us to the regular room. We were just starting to accept the craziness we had just endured. We were starting to calm down.
When we came to the room, almost immediately a doctor arrived with an update on Samuel. She was not smiling. In very calm and clear words, she told us that Sam had a “blue-out” in the nursery and had been taken to the NICU. She said he had a problem with his heart and has some soft signs that pointed to Down syndrome.
Her words were a wrecking ball slamming into my gut. Our world up-ended.
I could see my life’s path changing under my feet. I knew where I wanted to go, I could see the future I had planned for myself, but it disappeared in that moment. I didn’t know where this new path would lead. I didn’t want to go there, but I had no choice.
That was two weeks ago as of this writing (four weeks before publication). There is so much more to write and share. I want to tell you about Sam’s time in the NICU, about the excellence of the doctors and nurses, about Sam’s heart condition and what we’ve learned about Down syndrome. I want you to hear about the amazing support of my family, friends, and church. I want to let you listen in on my interstate prayers as I wrestled with God while driving to and from the hospital. In the past two weeks we’ve been to the pediatrician, lactation consultant, the lab to have blood drawn, social security office, the cardiologist; and been visited by a service coordinator for child development services. This is the new path and it’s been terrifying at times and wonderful at others. I plan on sharing my journey with you.
As for now, Sam is home and in my arms. When I look at him and he gazes back, I wonder if maybe the past two weeks were all a bad dream. When he cries for food or wiggles during a diaper change, I can’t help but think that maybe they were wrong. Or maybe, in spite of everything, he’s still just (more than just!) a baby – our beautiful, wonderful, precious, lovable baby boy. We love him and wouldn’t trade him for the world. Whatever lies ahead, the good news is that we get to go with him as part of our family.
Travis Norton
It's a Dad's Life
Bio:
In a world of mommy bloggers, I’m a dad, writing about my attempts to be the best father to my son and best husband to my wife that I can be. My wife and I met on Match.com while we were both living in Montana. She was working at a ranch for troubled teenage girls where the only security was the threat of grizzly bears if they ran away. I was serving a congregation in Helena as an associate pastor. We fell in love through letters (ahem: emails), met, talked, and got married. I proposed to her on a frozen lake half-way between the two cities where we lived. My wife’s from Tennessee, so we headed south to be closer to her family. That’s how we came to live in Charlotte (Huntersville, actually). We bought a small ranch-style house, got a dog (Henry) and began life here. I’ve been a pastor since 2003, spending most of my energy on youth and family ministry. I currently serve as an associate pastor in Cornelius. At the core of my ministry, and my life, is a deep and profound love for Jesus. I try to follow Him in every aspect of my life.
The day our first child was born was the best and worst day of my life. About 20 months ago (as of May 2011), my wife almost died giving birth to our son. Fortunately, everything worked out and now we are busy (understatement!) raising him. To top it all off, we are expecting another son this August! I’ll be writing a lot about that transition.
As for my philosophy of fatherhood, I take “cutting the cord” as my metaphor. I feel it’s my job to help prepare my children to enter the world and succeed on their own. To do this, I want to instill in them a sense of self-confidence, virtue and faith. I believe a father’s love is one of the best and most underused tools to prepare children for strong, healthy lives. I intend that my children will know a father’s love.
August 28th, 2011 - 07:04
This was beautiful. My best to you and your family as you navigate this brand new world you find yourselves in.
My best friend just shared this site with me recently (she just adopted a child with down syndrome)
http://wonderful-works.weebly.com/
August 28th, 2011 - 07:40
You have put into words what so many of us feel in our hearts. Beautifully said Travis! Welcome to the world precious baby!
August 28th, 2011 - 11:50
So beautiful. I treasure you both and love being a part of this journey with you. As you know, you have our Modern Parent family surrounding you and lifting you up in prayer.
August 28th, 2011 - 11:52
Travis…. thank you so much for sharing your story and for sharing Sam with us. Welcome Baby Sam!!!
August 28th, 2011 - 16:22
A very moving and hopeful telling of your family’s story. Yes, there will be challenges ahead, but there will also be wonderful blessings, too. God is with you all through all of this and will strengthen and equip you for everything you will face. Prayers and good wishes are being sent up for all of you.
August 28th, 2011 - 11:58
Looking forward to following your journey with precious Samuel! We had our baby girl in July as well and could only imagine what you must be feeling on a daily basis. Sending you well wishes!
August 28th, 2011 - 12:17
What a beautiful, touching story. Thank you for sharing! Welcome, Sam!
August 28th, 2011 - 12:19
So many of us in the Down syndrome community share these thoughts. Thank you for putting them into words so beautifully. Love to see Ds families and their perspectives shared
August 28th, 2011 - 12:53
Sam is beautiful! It’s so refreshing to hear a father’s point of view. Thank you.
August 28th, 2011 - 12:59
He is such a sweet little guy. I could stare at that face all day long! Give him a squeeze for me! Lovely story, Travis.
August 28th, 2011 - 13:42
Awwww, he’s absolutely gorgeous!!! Thank you for your story, and the words you wrote to get it across. They were beautiful. Best wishes to your whole family!
August 28th, 2011 - 15:38
Baby Sam has the best possible parents and family he could have received! Blessings!
August 28th, 2011 - 17:07
Thank you for sharing that story. My best wishes and prayers to your family. Sometimes the “fun” in life is not knowing what the future holds. No matter what, he sure is a sweetie and gift from heaven. The best awaits you and your family!
August 28th, 2011 - 21:11
This is beautiful. Thank you for sharing!
August 28th, 2011 - 22:58
He is a precious little angel!
Thank you for sharing your story. As hard as it may be, it’s only one part of him and you recognized that in your disbelief of the diagnosis, because he is sooo much more and I can’t wait to see what Little Samuel will teach us along the way.
August 28th, 2011 - 23:32
Just read your story. Our daughter Jenny (Sanders, now a Frank), who graduated with Victoria from Tullahoma, lives in Charlotte and had their first child, a boy in July also. I know we do not know God’s plans, but it is always a shock when things do not go as we think and plan that they should. Samuel will be who he will be, and your family will be blessed; a child is such a gift. Just being pregnant and the recovering is so hard at any level, especially with two children, for both parents. Please know that prayers are with all of you, and I hope we will get to see all of you soon.
August 29th, 2011 - 20:19
Thanks Debbie! I appreciate your words. Jenny’s baby is adorable and I know you are relishing being a Grandma! Congrats to you all. We haven’t been to Tullahoma in a while, but it would be nice to get back some day. Love to you all.
August 29th, 2011 - 11:34
What an incredible story Travis, and you shared it so honestly. Sam is just beautiful, and you can tell, already, that he is kind and special and here for a reason. He is certainly lucky to have been chosen for you, as you will no doubt cherish all that he has to give you.
August 29th, 2011 - 11:48
Travis,
You are amazing and as always, God knew what he was doing when he gave Samuel to you and Tori. Continued Peace, Blessings, and Love.
August 29th, 2011 - 15:04
Travis,
I’ve never met you, but I’ve heard amazing things about you and your love for Victoria and Luke and the man that you are.
As a special education teacher for the past 17 years, your account has touched my heart and created mist in my eyes. It’s one thing as an educator to talk with parents about the loss of a dream that they had planned when their baby is born with Down’s Syndrome or other challenges. It’s quite another to live that reality.
Thank you for sharing, so vunerably, your heart, desires and fears. There may come out of this a voice for Christ that you would have never had before.
I am so delighted that Victoria has you as a husband and Miriam has you as a son-in-love. You have blessed them deeply.
Karen
August 29th, 2011 - 16:25
Thank you for sharing this! Samuel is a lucky little boy!
August 29th, 2011 - 20:53
Travis,
My first thought when reading your post is…your baby is beautiful! And what a touching story. Thank you so much for sharing. I look forward to reading your articles about watching this wonderful lil’ guy’s first year.
August 29th, 2011 - 21:16
Dear Travis and Victoria,
We joined in your happiness and tears in the birth of your little son Samuel
Fifty- Seven Years ago, we had your same feeling except she was premature, and had to stay in the hospital 52 days before we could even touch her. We have thanked the Lord many times for sending Karen to us to love and care for, she had a heart mummer, but out grew it.
We are Renee’s Aunt and Uncle, and she shared your story with us. We attend Lake Norman Baptist Church just across the street from your church. We are so
thankful to be in such a good church during our retirement from the ministry. We served 26 years in Spartanburg at Southside Baptist Church. When we retired to moved to be near our only son and his family in Mooresville. We live in Cornelius.
Our precious daughter went to be with Jesus, January 26, 2011. We have had a hard time dealing with her death, because she had been our baby for 57 years!
She was such a precious child and we laugh now at some of the things she would say to us. She love her pastor and her church. She had a special seat and no one should ever get in her seat…she would just fold those little arms and say, “that is my seat”, whether it was a visitor or old friend. Her dad was Minister of Church Music and she sat right on front so she could see him well….
God used Karen to help us minister to people, because we became sensative to
people’s feelings. Everybody loved Karen, and so did we. I pray for a same experience with your Samuel.
God is so good and He never makes a mistake. He knows who to give the “Special Needs Children” to raise…I am sure of that.
We will pray for Samuel’s surgery and pray you will have the joy that we did raising our Down Syndrome Child.
God Bless you, Everett and Jean Foster
704-439-1277
August 30th, 2011 - 09:37
He is such a blessing! I too was blessed with a son Dec 15 2009 we did not know till he was born that he had downs or a heart defect! He went for open heart surgery the day he was 4 months old! I was in the same boat kept thinking they must of made a mistake he is the best little guy so bright sowanting to please! He is now 20 months and other then the downs ( Which makes him a little delayed) He is a healthy happy boy! We have recently had twin boys but had them at 27 weeks so they are still in the nicu I just can’t wait for Joseph to meet them. He loves kids and think they will be great play mates. Just remember god there is a reason this special little guy got blessed to you all! I would love to hear updates on how he is doing. Get involved we belong to a play group with other special needs childern.
August 31st, 2011 - 09:50
Thank you everyone for the kind comments, thoughts and prayers. We’ll keep you updated.